Failure

Mach 5, 2010
A while back I mentioned that I was trying to do more contemplative prayer or mediation.  It is calming when it works and I like it, but lately I have been a huge failure at this practice.  Here's an example of what happens:
I lie down on my back arms over my tummy.  I can't sit; it's not relaxing enough for me.
Take a few deep breaths.  Come up with a happy, calm, peaceful thought or image.  Focus on that.  A lot of times it has to do with my kids. 
So last night I pictured the top Tommy's head (my favorite place to kiss him at bedtime or to rest my chin on when we hug). Got that image in my brain...I'm relaxing, being grateful.
Thinking of Tommy makes me think: did I wash his lacrosse uniform for tomorrow? Did I leave clothes in the washer? What do I need to wash before our vacation? I need to make a to-do list to get ready for that upcoming vacation.  Mental list begins...helmets, charges for the 65 electronic thingys we take, camera, books, chapstick, what else...???
Oh wait, I'm suppossed to be meditating. 
Try to refocus ...more deep breaths. 
I'm not refocusing.  I think: this is so hard.  I should write about how hard this is in my blog.  Start thinking what I will write (it was much more witty in my head last night). 
Give up trying, say a quick prayer.  Roll over and fall asleep. 
And here we are. 

Karen